Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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