$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
