you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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