is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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