got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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