I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
