Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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