look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
