I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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