I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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