Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
