this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
