so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize