I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
