I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
