Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
