piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
