he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
