so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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