How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
