I am in a vortex of obligation.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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