"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
