I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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