Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
