I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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