don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
