A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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