This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
