I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
