super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
