maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
