Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
