Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i've created a new STD.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
