Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My ass is underappreciated
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
