Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
