Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
