Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
