somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
