Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
another moral hangover. fuck.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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