the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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