he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
