Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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