Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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