[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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