my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
