She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
