hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
