I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize