im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
