Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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