It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
