I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize