i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
