I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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