brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
