hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
