Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
