Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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