Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
