First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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