Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
