youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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