Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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