Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
