some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize