So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
