hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
