Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
