The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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