So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
