Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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