the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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