I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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