she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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