If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
