I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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