ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
