and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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