What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize