My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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