Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
