I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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