You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
