just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
