Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
