we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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