I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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