she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
