Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
