I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize