i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
