I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
