I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
