Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
