I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
