just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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