is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
