Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I want to fling myself into the sun
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
