ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
