My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
