I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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