I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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