You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
