Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
