I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize