You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
