Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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