Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
