Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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