just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
