It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
