i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
