This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
