i just had sex bonerless
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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