You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
